Am I ready???

So with only 47 days to go I wonder am I ready for all the madness that is about to go down?? I mean I know I have the essentials but am I ready for the sleepless nights(not that I am not already having them). I took my breastfeeding class the other day an I know it will be a rough few days getting on schedule with the baby and I know I can do it. I just have to push through it an do it. The only part that worried me was when she told me that the first few nights the baby maybe up every hour to feed....oy vey!!! I can do it though I know I can. 


I also hope that I am ready to handle labor!!!! I know that it will be painful I mean its a baby coming out of my cookie. I do want to go drug free an I plan on living up to that. I just have to literally push through the pain. As I was talking to my mother last night about what do I need to pack in my hospital bag an she was like you need something to focus on. I was like what in the heck am I going to use. I mean hang a shot of whiskey an a piece of sushi on a stick an tell me as soon as the baby is out that is all mine an I will focus for sure...Just kidding but really give me some sushi an I will push harder an focus.


Last thing I wonder if I am ready for is just being a mom. I mean will I have that mom look. I know that sounds weird but I mean its how I feel. Will he know that I am his mom an will he call me mom or will he call me Aunt B. I mean I have so many thoughts running through my head its crazy. I still feel like I have so much that needs to be done in these last 40 plus days but honestly everything is almost done. I need to just chill out rest an relax till he gets here. I hope that my family is ready. I know they are but its been a while since we had a little one around. I know they will be a solid rock for me to lean on. 


So here's to my last 47 day an just taking time to really enjoy the last few moments of my pregnancy. I have said it before an I will say it again. This isn't the way I planned on having a baby but I know God had a reason for me to be pregnant at this time in my life. I wish his father could experience this with me however he made this choice an it is his child he will never know. I know being a single mother will be hard but I mean I had the greatest teacher to show me how it is done in my own mother. Mom I will need you help so much an I am so glad that you will be there every step of the way.

Something a little different today

So I don't know who reads this an I hope I don't hurt any feelings however I need to get some things out an writing helps. First of all I feel I need to apologize for being pregnant. I didn't know an I was unaware that I have offended people. I am sorry. However I thought that we lived in a world where its best for me to keep my son an doing this alone an not have an abortion. I guess I was in a damned if I do damned if I don't situation.So again I am sorry for being pregnant an not married. I know its wrong according to the bible an I have to live with that consequence everyday. I don't need to feel more ashamed by people judging me an making me feel worse. I know what I have done is wrong just thought that I didn't have to wear a scarlet letter.


However, I love my son an I can't wait for him to get here so he an I can take on all the haters together. I will show people that I can do this an that I WILL be a good mother. I wear my baby belly proud an I am NOT ashamed of it. I KNOW that there is a reason that God allowed me to have this baby. If people don't believe that then there is something wrong with them. Baby's are a miracle from God an I believe that. I know what the bible says an I respect that but I can't stand being judged by other who need to look inward at themselves.


I don't know who will read this but it feels good to let this out. I hope one day that I will be able to get over what has happen recently but I WILL hold my head up an I WILL overcome.


B

The final countdown

Well its down to 8 weeks to go. I am getting more excited an more nervous at the same time. I am getting more anxious for labor an even more anxious about being a mom. I just hope I am a good mom an that this little boy will know how much I already love him an how much he is already loved. I have theses ideas of being this super cool mom an who know if they will come true or not. 


I am glad that we have gotten Rhett's room all ready to go. Hope he loves the monkeys as much as I do. They are just so cute!!! Ready to have my first shower in 2 weeks. I don't really know what to expect I do know that it will be a good time with friends an family. I feel like things are really coming to a close now. Plus every time I have a Braxton Hicks contraction I kinda freak out an wonder is this it?? Is he ready to come?? He can't come yet its too early!!! Then it goes away an I am relieved. 


I also want to let my brother an sister in law know how happy I am that they have moved to Liberty County. It is going to be great for RJ to have Uncle J an Aunt Megan so close.  Also Payton is getting really excited for Rhett to get here. I just hope after the first night of the baby crying he is still excited to have a cousin. I think he will be just fine an he will love his cousin so so so much!!!!


So as I look back on the past 32 weeks it has been a challenge but one I took on full throttle. I was in such shock when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do who to tell an I was just shocked. I was so worried what people would think about me an wondered if I let my family down. I now know that this little boy is my miracle baby an I couldn't imagine my life with out him. I just hope that my family knows how much I appreciate everything they have done. From moving me back home from Texas to just helping out with putting the crib together. You guys rock an I love you all so much.


Beck